Kulang Sa Pansin

I’m not a coffee lover

Posted on: March 19, 2009

As most of my friends know, I am not a coffee drinker. I get palpitations whenever I drink coffee. I prefer milk or hot chocolate. But today, I bought Cappuccino from Starbucks today. My sister was surprised.

“Oh, bakit ka namili ng kape? Anong meron?”

“Bakit hindi? Nalulungkot ako. Bigla akong nag-crave ng kape sa Starbucks.”

So, why was I lonely? I am not depressed, I’m just lonely. I’ve been very positive and bubbly the past few days but today, for some reason, I just can’t be happy. I can’t feel well.

For the first time, I desperately want to get a job. I prayed for it. Prayed harder everyday but the job didn’t want me. For the past two months of job hunting, I’ve never liked a job that much until this one came along. For the past job applications, I didn’t attend further interviews in spite of the invitations because I always see something wrong. And for those that my application didn’t go further, I didn’t mind. I wasn’t that interested anyway. But this one, I super duper like it but they don’t like me and they didn’t call anymore. Maybe this is not for me but I still feel lonely. I don’t know how to move ahead anymore. I think I’ll stop for awhile. Take a break or something.

Urgh. The palpitations are starting. It’s hard to type.

I read something on one of my friend’s blog. I know I’m not supposed to be disturbed but I admit that I was stunned with what I read. I’ve accepted a long time ago about his situation but there are times that I still couldn’t believe it. It seems like he is a totally different person. I like our relationship right now. Totally different with what we have before but I like it anyway. We can do stuff that we can’t do before. We go on dates. Eat together. Be carefree. But that is him with me. I don’t want to know what he do whenever he’s with his other friends.

I can’t help but know what his other world is, where I am not included. His blog entry was really weird. He’s so open about it and I… I don’t know what to feel. I feel awful that I’m like this because he’s my friend but I think sometimes reality really bites you. Once in a while.

My hands are shaking really bad right now. I don’t know if it’s the coffee, the frustration or the shock. I need a break.

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Name: Gaara-san
Likes: sand
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I adopted a Naruto chibi! ^.^

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