Kulang Sa Pansin

Birthday Blues

kulangsapansin — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:46:55 +0000

Three days before my birthday and I find myself crying in front of my work computer at around 7 in the morning. I just read the post of my friend in his Facebook account, saying goodbye to his dad who recently died. Somehow, I just cried. Not because of his grief alone but because of my own sadness. I didn’t know when it started. I wasn’t looking forward for my birthday for the first time. This is really wrong.

Varekai in Manila

kulangsapansin — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 23:40:40 +0000

Varekai was indeed a great show. One minute you’re laughing your heart out and the next minute you’re taken aback by the flying acts.
The strength of the show is the flying/aerial acts, they are simply amazing. Super precise yet graceful. Though the floor acts are festive in color most of the time, it is not as stable as it should be. Yet it still gives enjoyment to those who are watching. One of my favorite acts is the Flight of Icarus, I was like a child, wide eyed and so amazed by the skill and talent of the actor doing it. It definitely looked difficult but yet he done it so beautifully. My other favorite is the finale, which made want to hold my heart, it might drop anytime. The stunts were dangerous but I couldn’t sense any hesitation from the performers. It made the whole show worth to watch. People were literally at the edge of their seats. On a lighter note, I love the two comedians who initially interacted with the crowd. I really enjoyed their acts, I was laughing my heart out because they are simply funny. Up to end, they were very consistent with their characters. Love it! Overall, the show is great and I would want to watch it again. =)

moving forward

kulangsapansin — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 05:16:45 +0000

i looked at them
and my heart skipped a beat

their smile was bright
a poison to my soul

i wish them to be happy
but hate myself for doing so

glanced at them for the last time
could not bare to look again

as i step futher away
suddenly my steps were heavier

my vision got blurry
and i was out of breath

i knew was never the one
but still hoped that i could be her

heart that was crushed
friendship that was scarred
only those was left of me

At the Crossroads

kulangsapansin — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 05:06:29 +0000

It has been a year since I last posted in this blog. I missed it.
Writing in here feels like I am talking to myself.

Not a thing I planned for this year is happening. It seems that fate has another road for me.
Very different from what I hope it to be.
I am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing.

I really want to study this year but I did not pass both law schools. Unfortunately for me.
I want to travel abroad. Even if I have the money, I would be so thoughtless if I do that since my dad lost his job in an African war. I have to use my money more wisely. And besides, the people I want to go with, decided that we should do an out-of-town trip instead. Less expenses, hopefully the same amount of fun. I think it would be.
My sister hasn’t found a job yet and I might move to a dorm if she doesn’t get a job soon. She will have to return to our hometown and I will be alone.
I want to get a new job. A job that really fits me. Why would I have a double degree to just have this job? I want to be somewhere I belong. I want to get a higher paying job to help my family. The sudden turn of events have also changed my priorities. Before, my parents are still helping me, I think this time, I have to help them instead.

I am afraid of what will happen in the future. No, not afraid, just anxious. I know there’s something out there for me, I just don’t know what it is and when it will come.
Waiting is really hard. So hard for me. I’m an impatient person.
But I guess we all have to learn things we don’t like.
Now, I’m at my crossroads, several paths are visible but it is still foggy enough that I can’t see where they are leading. I’m waiting for the fog to disappear so I can see or am I not suppose to see where it leads. Do I just have to trust in my heart to lead me where should I go.
Today or tomorrow or the day after, I will start somehow. I will be able to know where I should go at this crossroad of mine.

Coming Back

kulangsapansin — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 04:55:15 +0000

Thanks to a friend who asked me about this blog. I decided I should write again. It helps me a lot to get by without bothering anyone. Well, if you’ll be reading this, I probably didn’t force you, so technically I’m not bothering you. Haha.

It’s been awhile since I last sat down and wrote something, a poem or prose or anywhere near that. I think I need to regain my creative juices. I would like to write a story again but thinking about a good topic would take up so much of my brain power. Haha.

Today, I’ve been employed for 10 1/2 months. One and half month to go and it’s been a year since I started working and started earning my own money.

So many things have happened, including my hospitalization and operation, which really shook our family. Who would have thought that I would have tumor in my right ovary? That they have to remove it to save my life? That I have to leave from work for a month? That I was able to come back again? All was a shock. But I think… I believe that everything that happened was in God’s plan. He should have known I could get by, my family could get by anyhow.

I was so stressed last week at work that my body is already reacting badly. But somehow, for the past few days, I am fine. I don’t feel so stressed anymore or so I thought. I just hope that all things will continue to go as it was planned.

At Work

kulangsapansin — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:19:57 +0000

At last, our AAA provided internet connection for visitors. Yey! I’m so happy! But there’s a construction ongoing so it’s dusty. Allergens go away!

Feeling Guilty

kulangsapansin — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 05:50:15 +0000

This is an unbelievable day. First, I can’t believe I’m blogging on my phone. Second, I’m doing it while waiting for my interviewer who is very late. I want to leave already. And third, I’m on the clock at work.
I feel so guilty even if things aren’t happening as I want them to be at work.
I love my job but I hate what’s happening. I also have an interview on thursday but I’m planning not to show up.
Please can we just get over with this…

Positive Energies

kulangsapansin — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 04:16:01 +0000

I don’t know what really is happening lately. I hate her. Why does she have to be perfect and everybody loves her. Even if I work hard, it doesn’t seem to matter. They still like her more just because she’s pretty. She even flirted with someone she knew I really like. And now, she’s bothered because the guy seems to like her. I hate it. I hate that I am insecure. I miss the me who is confident and doesn’t care what others think. I miss college. I miss my friends. I need them. I love my job but things are just getting out of hand. I feel so incompetent sometimes. She’s wants to do all the work and I am left with nothing. I hate being this way. I want positive energies. Positive energies.

Birthday Blues

kulangsapansin — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 00:13:37 +0000

It’s my 21st birthday today and I suddenly thought of my blog. I missed blogging. I want to start again. Oh well.
I hope today will be a good day. Bless me!

First Paycheck

kulangsapansin — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 13:45:06 +0000

Today, I got my very first paycheck. Before I thought that when you got your first paycheck, you’ll splurge yourself with luxury. But today, I kept myself from buying anything. I almost don’t want to spend it at all. I guess having a job makes us more responsible individuals. How I miss the times that I still wait for my allowance from my parents and not from my company.

I hope that I’ll last in this job. I don’t don’t like it. I just feel like I’m still on the adjustment period. I hope that I’ll eventually like or even love this job. I do hope and pray.